I miss you allright?

Despite the title this is not the typical I miss a certain person type of post, although up until today I have been denying myself the feeling of missing Guo Zhi Bai who moved back to China last December. The last time I saw him we had a Japanese Lunch together, a Bento lunch box. then he left, and then I didn't hear from him until I saw a facebook update, "Guo Zhi Bai is now in a relationship with Gillian Jiang" Then i deleted him from my mind and never thought twice about calling him. I have a boyfriend he has a boyfriend the end of our story.

The other thing was, I knew if I called he was going to keep asking have i found a job yet? and the embarrassing but honest answer was no. So as the saying goes out of sight out of mind,

Then last week I started my marketing internship and today I suddenly remembered him and the things he used to say, When I was applying for my masters course, I suggested to him that I might like to do a marketing masters and he told me that one job he could never see me doing is marketing and here I am doing marketing. I think he would laugh his head off. Then I wanted to call him and did it and got his voice mail. although I have to admit it was probably one AM over there, probably not the best timing.... but still no answer,

I am still contemplating calling him tomorrow when I am on my lunch break or maybe in the morning on my way to work. But how do you start a conversation with someone you haven't spoken to for an embarrassing 5 months?

other things I am going to be missing for awhile are the following TV shows, All there season finales are rearing their ugly heads

The Vampire Diaries

90210

Gossip Girl

Once Upon a Time

Secret Circle

Desperate Housewives (OVER FOREVER)

But all is not lost I have found some new distractions

The Clientlist

GCB

Pretty little liars (returning in June :D)

So plenty of things to distract me lol

Foody issues

Previously I wrote a huge long list of all the different food that I don't like, don't worry I am not going to mention them all again if your really interested you can click here, but if there is one thing regarding food that I don't like, its people telling me what I should or shouldn't like. That really pisses me off! and I really like to beat those people.

When I was with my ex boyfriend, he used to go to a Chinese Breakfast buffet with his friends and he always used to talk about how much he liked it. Then one time I asked him can I go with you guys? and he said "No this is only for Chinese people, I have never seen any foreigners eating it. you definitely wouldn't like it.

This made me more and more curious to try it, so almost straight away after we broke up, I invited another Chinese friend to go, and surprise, surprise I liked it.

Another time I was with my boyfriend, we went to a restaurant and my boyfriend was ordering in Chinese. One of the things he tried to order was pork and seafood soup. Then the waitress stopped him and said "Foreigners don't like this soup maybe you should pick something else" then my boyfriend explained what she had said and I being stubborn said no lets just order the soup. I refused to be defeated.

As I mentioned me and Nancy got off to a rocky start on Friday, and it continued to get even more rocky when lunch time came around. We decided to go to Super Mac's (Ireland's answer to KFC) we wanted chicken, but when we got there, we realized all the meals were ridiculously overpriced. 7.50 for a snack box with 2 pieces of Chicken, chips and a regular coke. 8.00 for a lunch box meals with 3 pieces of chicken chips, coke.

So we decided to share a lunch box and get an extra coke and paid 5 euro each, not bad eh, it came with 2 chicken breasts and a chicken drumstick. straight away Nancy went for a chicken breast and I decided to take the chicken drumstick... then she said "oh no you should have the chicken breast, Foreigners don't like chicken on the bone. Oh do they not?

So I reluctantly went for the chicken breast. in fact I don't like Chicken breast's, my moms been cooking that for me all my life, and I always think its the most plainest bland, boring meat. Whenever me and my boyfriend go to KFC we always say we don't want any chicken breasts,  I guess I am a weird "Foreigner"

I finished my chicken breast first and then Nancy said well you can take the chicken drumstick if you want cause your finished first, she had only eaten half of her chicken breast, Then she said or maybe you could have the rest of my chicken breast and I will have the drumstick.. I don't really like Chicken breast because it tastes a bit boring, I accepted,

According to my boyfriend I am weak. I just think I am amicable.

Procrastination time

The build up to Tuesday, the stress of having to finish projects nearly killed me, I know I left the finishing off to the last minute and that's what caused all the stress and anxiety, but once I finally submitted them I thought I would feel a huge sense of relief but instead I didn't, Frankly I felt a bit faint and like I wanted to throw up. This could of been because I drank two cans of red bull.

It was just an anti climax, maybe I felt I could of done better if I had more time.... I have a terrible problem with procrastinating these days. When time is almost running out for something I can't concentrate anymore I want to do anything but that.

the day before the project was due to be handed in, I went out to my local 2 euro shops searching for something, anything, I bought 2 packs of sour wine gums (2 for 2 euro) I love sour sweets so it was such a great bargain and find for me because sour sweets are almost impossible to find these days and Cherryade, I thought it would give me motivation.

Then I went to the bookshop to browse, and found a new book that I desperately want, but I resisted the temptation because I knew if I bought that I wouldn't do an ounce of college work til I had finished reading it.  So once my exams are finished I am going to treat myself to it.

Rosie Mckinsley- Gypsy Girl

Then I came home tried to finish off my project and ended up doing the hoovering 

Then having a shower 

and then sitting down trying to work on the project.

Then my boyfriend came home and I talked to him for ages and just couldn't find the get up and go to finish off my project. Then the next morning I had to get up early to finish them both off because I knew time was almost up and I had absolutely no choice. 

So today I should of started preparing for my exams. I have one exam on the 3rd of May and one on the 7th of May. also I have a presentation on in June for my summer school, its about Japanese and Korean trade unions, employment systems, the state.

I decided to research that instead of study. I don't know why, probably because its more interesting than knuckling down and trying to understand International financial Management which I feel is a lost cause and Global competitive strategies is appealing but I just couldn't get myself started.

I just feel like I am having a mental block, maybe I am distracted, or worried, our application submition date is looming on us, we literally only have one more thing to get and were good to go. (even the one more thing we have to do, i don't want to do, I have to ask the neighbour to sign a letter for us and lately I have had mixed feelings about them, there hot and cold) once we submit the application, we face a 3 month wait and then hey presto we never have to think about it ever again. If it all goes well of course.

I also learned something else this week, I really hate being the stay at home person in a relationship. I don't think I will ever be able to be a full time stay at home mom. 

Up until recently my boyfriend has only been working part time. I used to go to college in the morning and find him waiting for me at night when I got home. I got used to that routine and now hes working full time again and now I am the one saying good bye to him in the morning and waiting for him to come home in the evening.  I never realized how hard it was on him. when he sometimes said don't go I will miss you I always brushed it off, he was just being needy.

It sucks. I know its only temporarily until my summer school begins and then I will be in college 9-5 everyday. 

Another dilemma has occurred my ex boyfriend has asked to study with me in my new college, because its closer to his home than our old college and I didn't have the heart to say no.  Now I am not sure if I want to study with him and I don't like waiting for a text from him saying hey lets go and study together today. 

I don't know what to do. I feel like a burst balloon.

Sometimes you just need a good cry

Too be honest I have always been a terribly weepy person, (especially at that time of the month...) When I was in Secondary School I always used to cry in French class,

Especially in second and third year. My teacher Ms. M, hated me or that's what I thought. Basically anytime I hadn't done my homework or I had forgotten my homework copy my teacher used to scream at me and make me feel extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable. Then I would ball my eyes out.

I remember one time I left my homework copybook in my locker and she came down to my locker and took everything out of my locker and tidied my locker for me and took my copybook to correct. Everyone around me thought it was hilarious.

But I will never forget the time when we were discussing transition year in French class and I said categorically "I am not doing it" another 5 other students also stated they were not doing it. But at the end of class she said in front of everyone "Sarah will you stay back, I want to talk to you" I was freaked out, did I forget to hand up some homework???

But no!! She wanted to tell me how stupid I am for deciding to not to Transition year, Stating I am to young, too immature,

It will be the biggest mistake I will ever make, asking Have you talked to your parents? Anyway she made me feel so small.

When I told my Mom she was fuming, How dare she try to meddle into my personal choices. The thing that bothered me was that half some of the other students in my french class who were skipping transition year were younger than me... and she didn't embarrass them or question them..

Perhaps some people reading this will agree with Ms. M and say Transition year was the best year ever and that I made a huge mistake not doing it... but my brother did it and although he loved the first half of the year with the musical, trips and all that Jazz but the second half of the year was totally half arsed and he hated going to school because they literally weren't doing anything everyday, free classes are no use when you don't get any homework in anything...So no I don't regret it at all.

Another thing that makes or has made me cry is Jacqueline Wilson books, I remember being on a flight from Spain to Ireland when I was 10 or 11 years old and sobbing the whole way back, people on the plane must of thought I was so devastated to be coming back to Ireland...

I cried when my ex boyfriend told me that his ex girlfriend had cheated on him. I felt really really sad  I think I crossed the line between sympathetic and over sympathetic....

Anyway my most recent cry came today when I was reading a book called "Room" It's got to be the most saddest book I have read in along time. I was reading it at the apartment last night whilst waiting for my boyfriend to get home and was sobbing away when my boyfriend came in the door... He thought someone had died

My boyfriend cried twice at the cinema, The first time was when we watched Love and other drugs and the second time when we watched Guilivers travels. It was quite funny, he is so cute!!

But the thing I hate most when I'm crying is when someone gets angry and starts giving out to me for crying and complaining that I am embarrassing them. My ex boyfriend used to do this. He used to fight with me a lot and sometimes I ended up crying on the street or on the train or the bus. The last time I cried in public was the day me and my boyfriend went to the second solicitor.