Friday, July 1, 2011

isolation spreads like bad karma

I came back from Italy last week and immediately became immersed in college work, in fact, I ended up letting my group mates down, while I was in Italy, they were preparing a presentation and although we emailed back and fourth, they told me that they were going to split it up into 3 and I could just enjoy my holiday.

This was very kind of them, but also it made me feel very unconfortable. Because I don't like social loafing and I like to do my bit, Anyway the day I came back was a wednesday and I was tired and obviously wanted to spend time with my boyfriend and basically completely forgot about the presentation then just as we were about to go to bed, I text one of my group mates and asked were they meeting on Thursday (The presentation was on Friday)

I woke up at 10am and they told me "yep were meeting up at 11 but you don't have to come if you don't want to because you live so far away......." I really should of gone in.. but I hadn't seen my boyfriend for so long and he persuaded me to skip college for one day.

But on Friday, I felt so sorry, I hadn't seen the presentation, I didn't give any input it was just a totally embarassing experience I said sorry everytime i saw them. But in the end sorry doesn't mean anything. I didn't do anything. So of course I should be ashamed. Even today one week later, I still feel embarassed when I see them and can hardly engage in conversation with them. Although they said its fine... I still feel its not.

Then today I encountered another unconfortable situation today, not neccessarily regarding a presentation, so far this week i have had lunch with my friend Nancy and she was the one who even asked me. During the class breaks she often asks me do you want to go get water with me? and generally I say sure. Then today she did the same thing.
We went to the canteen and got our water and sat down and started chating, then one chinese girl from our class came over and I straight away said oh why don't you sit down. but I guess she was sitting somewhere else with other chinese students. Then another Chinese girl sat near us and talked to Nancy obviously in Chinese and then after she finished talking she said oh lets go back to class. Then whilst we walked back she said something that made me feel really unconfortable and out of place.

She said mmm Its wierd, I feel a bit isolated I should talk more with those chinese classmates, but I haven't been doing that to much because I have been spending lots of time with you.. then class began

Its nearly lunch time now and I feel a bit hurt, maybe I shouldn't but I don't know how to interpret it and not take offense.Now i feel isolated...


  1. Erm, not sure how you Irish speak English... but
    "comfort" is actually spelled with a "M" in it. :D

  2. Oh I don't think your friend Nancy meant any anything. She just want to talk to her own group. I felt the same times, as Expat, you will want to hang out with Expat from time to time. Its only natural.