Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Americian Dream

About a month ago Vodafone lowered the price for calling America, Naturally my boyfriend was delighted, his cousin lives in America and he hadn't heard his voice for almost 8 years, obviously they chatted on QQ but chatting on the phone is a bit more personal and special. 

The first time he rang him, He stayed on the phone for almost 3 hours in the middle of the night if you don't mind. My boyfriend is definitely a night-owl, more about that another day. After he got off the phone he was dying to share all the news, and accidentally woke me up. 

His cousins story is quite sad really. In 2002 he started the impossible task of trying to move to America. The whole process took 3 years and a lot of money. To be honest  I don't really know the full details but from what I can gather whatever agency helped him, were exploiting some loophole in the American law. He arrived in America with no English and no clue what to do and was detained in prison for a month given a solicitor who I presume applied for asylum. Which was successful but resulted in him losing his right to go home to China and then return to America. To be honest I can't make heads nor tails of it.  But this is all i know and I didn't want to pry any further since it was so late at night.

But not being able to return home wouldn't be as bad if he was a single man and free to search for a girlfriend to keep him company, but that wasn't the case he left behind a wife and child. I can't imagine how that must of felt. I said to my boyfriend "why doesn't he just return back to China and give up on America?" My boyfriend said he (strongly influenced by his parents) has a dream to be successful in America and set up a business and save lots of money. He hasn't achieved that yet. He is working as Chinese take away delivery man and earning just about American minimum wage.
So obviously 5 years is a long time to be away from your wife and missing out on your sons life must be tough. Which makes me think a phone call once a week just doesn't cut it when your married. Which leads to his cousin's next big plan. He wants his wife to move to China and leave their son with his grandmother. This doesn't sound too bad... but the worst part is the only way to get her there is to use a tourist visa and once that expires to allow her to become an undocumented person. They will live there for the next 8-10 years. I just thought it was a horrible thing for a husband to insist that his wife to do. The life of an undocumented person is far from desirable. I think it's really selfish of his cousin Then my boyfriend said he hasn't had sex for 5 years, doesn't he deserve a normal life living with his wife? 
I just feel sorry for their son, who's had an absent father for the first 5 years of his life and now he's going to have an absent mother and father for possibly the next 8 years. Theirs only so much a grandmother can do. 
When is it time to give up on your dream? When is enough, enough? 


  1. I do think that if someone has a child then the child should be number one in his/her life. And leaving your child for years isn't the best option I think. I could never do that. Actually my ex who is Chinese had a similar opinion. He is living in Finland and when we were together he told me that if we would have a child then he would send the kid to China for years to learn Chinese and culture, to live with his parents. I couldn't believe my ears when he told me this! Well, fortunately he really is my ex.

  2. It does seem Chinese people have different priorities and that's fine, but it looks like your boyfriend's cousin has not really thought out a very good plan and this is real life, not a rehearsal!

    For a start he's about 20 years too late. The way China is rising now and the US economy is in ruins, it seems an odd decision to move in that direction when so many Americans and other westerners are coming to China for the opportunities.

  3. Sara, Me and my boyfriend had a conversation similar to the one you had with your ex boyfriend and i told him my parents would kill me if i did such a thing and I could never accept that. If i would prefer to give the baby up for adaption if i wasn't able to find some way to care for it.

    Woai, I know what your saying and it's true but i suppose some people are just set in their ways once they get an idea in their head their too stubborn to give up on it.